Gone for good

LUGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Changes

Changes are always good...

...Though not always easy
Changing jobs, realizing what some people are really like, facing others, stepping up to the plate on things that seemed impossible thus far, getting engaged, getting ready to move in with somebody, getting married, doing loads and loads of paperwork, having a very limited amount of time to finish your thesis work, going to endless interviews, sending more emails than you have ever, experiencing all-time lows and all-time highs, adapting to new environments, new people, new schedules, new rules and new reasons, getting rid of old laws, revisiting old habits, playing sports you hadn't played in ages, listening to songs that wouldn't have appealed to you in the past, working with people you wouldn't have worked with in the past, grasping what the world *really* looks like, realizing it is really impossible to see what the world is *really* like, trying to convince yourself that what you see is what *really* is, explaining to others why they are wrong, opening your eyes and understanding that *YOU* are wrong -or is it ME?- believing that after that scary moment adrenaline levels will never decrease, feeling the effects of that adrenaline rush, stating that there's no one there for you, smiling at the one who has just helped you even in the smallest possible thing you will do in your life, appreciating the effort it takes to extend the arms and hug somebody, committing to something, being hurt by that meaningless hug, being thankful for another hug that did mean something, taking a flight, missing a flight and believing it meant something, regretting ever drinking that one bottle of liquor that drove you off the lane and into disaster, laughing your soul off thanks to that one bottle of beer that also allowed you to sleep better that night that then drove you to take a drastic decision...
changes!

Picture Copyright:
http://www.stnicholaswestwoodhills.ca/history_files/page6_1.jpg

Of love and fairy tales...

"Love is nothing but a combination of hormones that temporarily blinds your perception of reality." Some authors say that Arabs used to curse their enemies by saying "may you fall in love", meaning that love makes you weak in several ways. True. Though not a curse. Love couldn't just be a combination of hormones: all human beings have the same hormones, don't they? (Obviously taking into account the male-female difference.) I've found several women who most people would consider attractive but who I could not date. Nice figure? Sure. Nice hair? Right again. Right personality? Huh-uh. And personality has little to do with hormones -menopausal syndromes aside. I've found the one I love, the one with just the right characteristics for me -and I hope I'm just the one for her as well! Have we been together long? Yes. Have we always felt the same way about each other? No. Have we fought? Definitely -she can tell you! Are we significantly different? Yup. Do we still love each other after all this? Most definitely, as the picture shows. A very common mistake people make is to consider love and relationships a constant source of utmost pleasure. It's not. It's a constant push and pull. It's a constant push and pull between two people. You most definitely know how difficult it can sometimes be to make up your mind about something... try it with two people. This push and pull is due to many reasons, some positive, some negative. Sometimes it's out of selfishness, personality clashes, unmet desires, etc -the negative side. Other times it's because both want the best for the other and reaching a decision is not easy, or because somebody else gets in the way and everybody gets distracted and both work their way out of the problem -the positive side. This leads to growth between these two people, and there are some things that you will never learn being alone, there are some things that are only visible from the inside: feelings, ideas, understanding, fulfillment. It's not easy, nobody said it would be... for that matter: is anything easy? Hold your loved one in your arms, tell him or her those tender words you wouldn't tell anyone else and then honestly tell me you would not like to stay there forever.

Do not look for unending pleasures in perishable experiences.

Who to Trust --> Pete Charcters --> Disillusion

Right before starting, a DISCLAIMER:
The following is a Monday-morning reflection, NOT a suicide note! If you are a very sensitive person and/or are very easily confused by images, words and strong ideas in general, DO NOT READ THIS POST. I'm not responsible for whatever happens to you, your mind or your soul... OR YOUR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER!

"Tired? Nervous? Fidgety? Have that 'run-down' feeling all the time? Act now! Don't wait a second! Write to the New York Amalgamated Casket and Mausoleum Co. for your free booklet..."
Although I'm not about to die - actually..., no, I won't finish this thought - I can't help feeling so helpless sometimes, fidgety some other times and finally simply jaded. It's like no amount of sleep is enough, no meal is totally replenishing and no drink can quench my thirst; no company is ever fulfilling and, if it is - and there're just a couple - it's only temporary; nothing is final, nothing is for good, not your friends, nor your enemies. It's this constant weakening away of your mind, it's this unceasing change, this never ending adaptation process, this restless nature of ours what's driving me insane. It's the perfection I cannot achieve, the imperfection I cannot live with; much too high for where I am, much too low for where I want to be. Much too long been in the same place, that like water I've started to rot for impossibility of moving on... And move on I'd love to. It is the circle that is never complete, the jewels that are out of place, the patience that seems to grow ever thinner but never thin enough... it's the blood-red eyes that are never angry enough, the adrenaline-throbbing muscles that can't kill but flies, the words that can't convince but myself. It's the face in the hands that never really breaks in tears, the sigh that is uttered when no one is near, the demon I can't face out of fear. It's work and it's people, it's books and professors, bosses and workers and communism and capitalism, the weak and the strong and morals in the middle. It's the knife I know will stab me in the back but can't help trusting, it's the mother that is - so damn true - the first 'other'. It's the key I can't strike right, or the receipt I can't fill in well, it's the hate and the shattered dreams, it's the dead and the living that replace them; it's the phone that never stops ringing and then the one that never rings. It's the people we trust and then stab us, it's us that stab them... but we didn't even realize; or you didn't want to... It's where we are but don't want to be, it's where we are but shouldn't be. It's the warmth and the cold, the hunger and the satiety, the sobriety and the drunkenness, freedom and slavery... it's the picture and the suicide note.

A short suicide notice by Kevin Carter, South African National, 1994 Pulitzer Prize Winner:
"I am depressed ... without phone ... money for rent ... money for child support ... money for debts ... money!!! ... I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings & corpses & anger & pain ... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners...I have gone to join Ken if I am that lucky."

Your comments?


Read More: The Life and Death of Kevin Carter
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,981431,00.html

'Pete' ['pete] Characters

Who to trust?

Right before leaving for the bank, a short entry.
Lately I've been wondering who I can trust and I've found none but two -a great friend and Ms Ichihara. The inability of people to say things to your face, and the ease with which people get offended when one does is simply startling. I'm nothing but confused right now, I've trusted many so blindly that it is difficult for me to believe that I've trusted them knowing how I usually think... Just when I thought I could not become any more paranoid as regards to who to trust -this is getting cheesier and cheesier- the world has proved to me that I can trust none but the aforementioned two. Why is it that just when you thought you were done establishing alliances, your allies stab you in the back? Why is it that just when you thought the most despicable people were out of your way, they come back and offer a helping hand -the one you thought they wouldn't offer their own mother! Anyway, I just don't get it. Somehow I don't think it is right that I should feel so disappointed at this age, that I feel nothing is worth a try anymore -nothing except some things these two people know. Unfortunately, this is something I'm not going through alone. I think many people around me -especially the younger ones- are starting to realize how serious this whole issue is. Most of us are afraid to give the right answer at the right time, simply out of fear that the others would use it correctly some time in the future -and we definitively don't want other people to take advantage of us... (Sarcasm implied in case you didn't get that). I'm not saying people should approach each other and say "I hate you" just because that is what they really feel; what I mean to say is, if you really hate somebody, make it simple and tell them "look, this is as far as the relationship between you and me goes, I believe this should be the end of it" , or something like "the electricity bill was higher this month than it was last month, would you mind turning the computer off at night and have it download things during the day only" instead of "sorry, I tripped with the cable and didn't know how to turn it back on"... I mean, come on, it's not that difficult!

Dear reader, you tell me: is it really that difficult? Please leave a comment answering the question!
((Now listening to: Rage - Forever)